So much has happened...

...since early June when I last posted. Although this is, for the most part, a private blog, it's assisting me in figuring things out. A private journal online that will forever be there. I'm lost. It's just that simple. I'm completely lost in time and in my own life. I'm up one minuet and down the next. I can't seem to stay happy these days. I'm just about the happiest I could be when I'm in the barn with Cluad and the horses. Something inside of me is changing and I'm not sure if I like it. I'm and angry person for the most part. I can't let go of my anger and I cannot move along. My heart burns with contempt and confusion and I really don't like that feeling at all. I need to find inner peace but I have so many questions that simply cannot be asked. I have to learn to let them go. To let them be and dissipate from my day to day life. It's going to be hard but I need to let it happen. I just need to ride like the wind away from this period in my life.

Crazy Ponies

I've been interning with a dear family vet friend Dr. Elizabeth V. Paternotte. She's one seriously awesome woman and knows so very much. While we share a school rivalry we are very very much alike in personality and style. In the month I've been traveling around with her I've seen tons of things that I wouldn't usually see and learned so much that I would have had to wait to learn in college. So a tribute to my wonderful mentor and friend Liz; thank you for all you've taught me and continue to teach me. I've seen so much with you from horses who really needed our help to helping my own beloved Felix out. You keep us all going; horse and human alike

Victory at Heavenly Waters

So I went into day one of USDF Dressage at Heavenly Waters with a kick ass attitude and BOY DID IT PAY OFF!!! At the end of the day I ended up winning both classes, qualifying for a very big championship, getting one of my two scores needed for regional championships, and was the young rider high score of the day!!! Regina and I kick some serious ass!! I'm so proud of my redhead princess =)

Once Upon A Crazy June

It's been a whirl wind of a month for me so far. I'm in the midst of show season and I've been up at the crack of dawn and down in the dead of night. I've continued to train so very hard and commit myself 100% to dressage. It's my passion through and through. I've begun my internship with Dr. Liz Patternott and I've learned so much in just the little bit of time I've spent with her. Parts of me feel like I'm falling apart piece by piece, that my riding is getting in the way of spending time with the important people in my life; but then I realize that they keep pushing me to do better and better both in the competition ring and at home schooling. I'm on the eve of my last big show before my month off and I'm really ready to go in there tomorrow and ride like I've never ridden before. Part of me wants to show my very tough trainer that I can ride like I do at home and bring home the good stuff. I want to be what everyone else in the barn aspires to be. Phoebe has always said she sees a lot of herself in me and I like that alot. I want that fire and edge that she has.
On a more personal note, home has become a little bit better place to be in. Every now and then things get bad again but it's getting better as the days go by. I have NO idea how I'm getting my community service hours done on time and have to keep pushing the woman I'm working for to let me do things to get all those hours in. My massive amount of vacation time prebuilt into my summer isn't helping getting those things done either. I feel like such a busy person yet I have an amazing amount of down time.
I now realize that as I get closer and closer to my goal of being a large animal vet, that listening to those who have what I want is a very important thing. Liz keeps telling me that being a general practice large animal vet is not condusive to being in a relationship let alone a marriage. I've always seen myself getting married young and starting a family in my late twenties; and now I can see how that works. Being on call 24/7 interupts things, takes you away from your children, and makes family meals almost a nonexistant factor in daily life. I don't know if I really can do that.
All things to consider and work on.

Graduation and D60's

While I was not allowed to attend his graduation because of my impending exams, my heart was with him as he walked across the stage last Thursday Night. He's off to UMBC in the fall and I could not be prouder of him! His whole family pooled together to buy him a DSLR that he's been wanting for months. They got him a Nikon D60 which we had tons of fun with on Friday. I got there around 8 in the morning we slept till noon then the fun began. Please enjoy some pictures!

May 22 2009....Senior Prom Night

The 22nd was my boyfriends senior prom. Of course being a senior he was already well out of school and being of the male sex took not too terribly long to get ready. I on the other hand being a Junior still had school had to pick the date for my senior speech, rush 20 minutes home, shower, blow dry, get to the hair dressers 15 minutes away, took her an hour to do my hair, get a little lost in translation about who was getting who and going where. All in all we made it to our friends house barely on time and after that...it all turned out amazingly well. No Cinderella story here kids, just crazyness! Here are some pictures to enjoy. It really and truly was a night to remember, a night he and I shared and really enjoyed and I will never forget. Especially when you see what he wore!!

there are simply days

I want to tear my hair out because I have no where else to run. That would explain the less frequent posting lately. Here are a few pictures to explain my current mood


Now playing: Anberlin - Feel Good Drag