So much has happened...

...since early June when I last posted. Although this is, for the most part, a private blog, it's assisting me in figuring things out. A private journal online that will forever be there. I'm lost. It's just that simple. I'm completely lost in time and in my own life. I'm up one minuet and down the next. I can't seem to stay happy these days. I'm just about the happiest I could be when I'm in the barn with Cluad and the horses. Something inside of me is changing and I'm not sure if I like it. I'm and angry person for the most part. I can't let go of my anger and I cannot move along. My heart burns with contempt and confusion and I really don't like that feeling at all. I need to find inner peace but I have so many questions that simply cannot be asked. I have to learn to let them go. To let them be and dissipate from my day to day life. It's going to be hard but I need to let it happen. I just need to ride like the wind away from this period in my life.

Crazy Ponies

I've been interning with a dear family vet friend Dr. Elizabeth V. Paternotte. She's one seriously awesome woman and knows so very much. While we share a school rivalry we are very very much alike in personality and style. In the month I've been traveling around with her I've seen tons of things that I wouldn't usually see and learned so much that I would have had to wait to learn in college. So a tribute to my wonderful mentor and friend Liz; thank you for all you've taught me and continue to teach me. I've seen so much with you from horses who really needed our help to helping my own beloved Felix out. You keep us all going; horse and human alike

Victory at Heavenly Waters

So I went into day one of USDF Dressage at Heavenly Waters with a kick ass attitude and BOY DID IT PAY OFF!!! At the end of the day I ended up winning both classes, qualifying for a very big championship, getting one of my two scores needed for regional championships, and was the young rider high score of the day!!! Regina and I kick some serious ass!! I'm so proud of my redhead princess =)

Once Upon A Crazy June

It's been a whirl wind of a month for me so far. I'm in the midst of show season and I've been up at the crack of dawn and down in the dead of night. I've continued to train so very hard and commit myself 100% to dressage. It's my passion through and through. I've begun my internship with Dr. Liz Patternott and I've learned so much in just the little bit of time I've spent with her. Parts of me feel like I'm falling apart piece by piece, that my riding is getting in the way of spending time with the important people in my life; but then I realize that they keep pushing me to do better and better both in the competition ring and at home schooling. I'm on the eve of my last big show before my month off and I'm really ready to go in there tomorrow and ride like I've never ridden before. Part of me wants to show my very tough trainer that I can ride like I do at home and bring home the good stuff. I want to be what everyone else in the barn aspires to be. Phoebe has always said she sees a lot of herself in me and I like that alot. I want that fire and edge that she has.
On a more personal note, home has become a little bit better place to be in. Every now and then things get bad again but it's getting better as the days go by. I have NO idea how I'm getting my community service hours done on time and have to keep pushing the woman I'm working for to let me do things to get all those hours in. My massive amount of vacation time prebuilt into my summer isn't helping getting those things done either. I feel like such a busy person yet I have an amazing amount of down time.
I now realize that as I get closer and closer to my goal of being a large animal vet, that listening to those who have what I want is a very important thing. Liz keeps telling me that being a general practice large animal vet is not condusive to being in a relationship let alone a marriage. I've always seen myself getting married young and starting a family in my late twenties; and now I can see how that works. Being on call 24/7 interupts things, takes you away from your children, and makes family meals almost a nonexistant factor in daily life. I don't know if I really can do that.
All things to consider and work on.

Graduation and D60's

While I was not allowed to attend his graduation because of my impending exams, my heart was with him as he walked across the stage last Thursday Night. He's off to UMBC in the fall and I could not be prouder of him! His whole family pooled together to buy him a DSLR that he's been wanting for months. They got him a Nikon D60 which we had tons of fun with on Friday. I got there around 8 in the morning we slept till noon then the fun began. Please enjoy some pictures!

May 22 2009....Senior Prom Night

The 22nd was my boyfriends senior prom. Of course being a senior he was already well out of school and being of the male sex took not too terribly long to get ready. I on the other hand being a Junior still had school had to pick the date for my senior speech, rush 20 minutes home, shower, blow dry, get to the hair dressers 15 minutes away, took her an hour to do my hair, get a little lost in translation about who was getting who and going where. All in all we made it to our friends house barely on time and after that...it all turned out amazingly well. No Cinderella story here kids, just crazyness! Here are some pictures to enjoy. It really and truly was a night to remember, a night he and I shared and really enjoyed and I will never forget. Especially when you see what he wore!!

there are simply days

I want to tear my hair out because I have no where else to run. That would explain the less frequent posting lately. Here are a few pictures to explain my current mood


Now playing: Anberlin - Feel Good Drag

Gym Drill

An odd annual practice at The Bryn Mawr School for Girls. About a thousand girls assemble on the upper field of the school and dance in perfectly straight lines in perfect unison. How this came about I have no idea and why it has stayed...I don't understand either but I find myself in the two years I've been at the school loving it more and more. Last year was just a little bewildering not knowing what was going on in the slightest, but this year I've been honored with leading my class in the front line and really taking some joy in the practice. This I think will require a "Gym Drill take 2" once we've actually preformed it all next saturday. Pictures to follow so watch out! I just loved rehersal today even though I act like it's a chore. :)

The best thing...

are these pictures lately...I can't even stop looking at them. I enjoy them so much. Thanks to my best friend Erin Spencer for taking them and doing the editing. Enjoy as much as I do.

Greek Easter

If you have EVER seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" let it be know that's EXACTLY how any Greek holiday goes. I went to a friends tonight with my boyfriend for their families celebration of Eastern Orthodox Easter. It was in a single word hilarious. It was lively, over the top, and had way more food than I've ever seen in my entire life. But the sense of family and friendship is wonderful and I truly enjoyed the experience along with the food!! Here's to the next Lyketsos family celebration!

feeling alone...

...really sucks, and it's a shame that I feel that way today seeing as its GORGEOUS outside today. Usually all that good weather, warmth, and sunshine puts me in a fantastic mood but not today for some reason or another. It really sucks when the people closest to you hurt you so much and they can't even see the error of their own ways. But here in lies the issues, if you can't see yourself hurting the person you love, how do you fix it? How can someone fix what they don't even realize they're doing? I just need to learn to breath and hold my head high when all I want to do is curl up and cry...

Water + Pigment somehow = beauty

Painting. Watercolors to be exact. Something I had always done and explored as a child but never really found the meaning of to be honest. Nothing really struck my fancy about them....till now. My school makes Juniors take two semester credits of an "activity" of some sort and only one of them can be off campus. So I stupidly selected my first semester to be my off campus season and was faced with a decision with what to do about this semester. School offers a watercolors course so I decided that it might be a good experience seeing as I'm not taking an art course this year and I truly love to paint. Today though I gained a unique perspective on the power of art and the allure of this watery art form. We went outside seeing as today for the first time this week was beautifully sunny and somewhere in the upper 60's. We went to the "Little School" or the school for boys and girls (seeing as I attend an otherwise all girls school) from infants to prekindergarten. I selected my spot positioned under beautiful blooming magnolia trees to paint a long walk way canopied by these beautiful flowering trees. I was soon greeted by a herd of children ranging in age from four to somewhere around six. It amazed me how many "Whatcha doin?" I got in a single sitting. I found myself at one point surrounded by about fifteen little boys and girls who were completely rapt by what I was doing. They touched the roughness of the watercolor paper and explored the texture of the horsehair burshes in my art box. They were intregued by the straw I use to creat delicate branches and the colors of my palet. It didn't matter what the tree looked liked or where I began, what mattered was that I was creating something with water and pigment that could let thier imaginations run rampid. These fifteen little children opened my mind to what art does for the soul. It gives us an outlet for our imaginations, it's open for interpretation, and not a person in the world can tell you that what you have created is in any way incorrect because what you create is simply yours and yours alone. I smiled more than I have in a while in that half an hour I sat there and painted for them today. I simled at their giggles when I blew a dot of brown color across a page with a straw. I smiled at their wide eyes when I opened my "box of tricks," and I laughed with them as I watched them paint their imaginery trees with my brushes. Art connects us all in some way or another. Today it connected me with fifteen little faces I may not remember, but will remember the laughs and smiles they let me share with them all from water, pigment, and a piece of white paper.

rain rain go away

It has rained here in Baltimore for the last 48 hours and I'm sick and tired of it. I really do love the rain...but only inside and with a good book or a cup of coffee. Nothing beats a lazy day in comfy clothes, a good book, someone you love, and a cup of coffee; a blazing fire isn't a bad addition to that mix either. I just find myself lately detesting cold rain. The temperature itself this time of year is usually somewhere in the mid to high sixties and we're nowhere near that right now. Rain is bad enough to walk in when it's warm let alone when it's barely in the forties. I feel a sense of irony really on the weather of the last month or so; it's rained most of late March and April and in that time frame my school and our brother school have had two exchange students from jolly England where, as we all know, it rains a good 80% of the time. Now once again, let me remind you I am not complaining about the nature of rain itself, but simply the conditions it happens to be falling under these past two days.

On a lighter note it seems, I've come to appreciate the simplicity of just...well...sitting. I've had a lot of time as of late to do a lot of thinking about me myself and my life. My life, while it has its perks and it's down's as anyone's does, is pretty easy in most respects. Myself on the other hand; I've come to realize lately, and have stopped myself more than once in the last few days, realizing that I'm moody and a little almost... well I have no other word for it than fairyish. (if that's even a word) I like feeling light and airy and I enjoy feeling quiet. I have a feeling this self discovery will take my personality places and will shape me; hopefully in a positive way.

For now that's all. I cannot say I wont be back again this evening; we'll see. But for now...

<3

Not a thing in the world...

...would have made me think I'd be sitting here bloging! In all honesty it seems simple and uncomplicated, but in reality it's anything but those two things. I'm a complex person and the same goes for my life; the same goes for what I will put down here for the world to read. I'm a sentimental person and hope what I write will have some serious meaning and allow insight into how I think and process things. I'm hoping that all this...will be worth it.